How I Lost 100 Pounds in 18 Months: Good Decisions Compound
People pleasing almost killed me. The journey of loving myself first has been a revelation.
At the start of the pandemic, I weighed over 300 pounds.
Like I imagine many others do at that size, I stopped checking the scale as often, but the highest number I ever saw was 311.
My unhealthy lifestyle was exacerbated by my tendency to be a people-pleaser, often putting my own needs and mental health last.
This attitude was, in part, the result of growing up as the black sheep in a challenging environment.
I’m the product of an unwanted pregnancy. My father split before I can remember. At many key moments, I was left to raise myself – often with a heavy dose of Mr. Rogers on TV, reading any book I could get my hands on, and later spending hours on the internet.
My childhood had plenty of adversity, abuse, and isolation, but among my loneliest moments was during my sixth grade year, when my mother sent me to couch surf with a friend for the school year.
From that day forward, what little time I was around family, I was expected to act a certain way for acceptance and love. Growing up in small town Ohio where the KKK once literally marched the streets in my lifetime, it simply wasn’t safe for a queer Black kid like me to exist.
I fit no one’s definition of normal; my mere existence is a political statement to some.
To say I grew up in survival mode would be an understatement.
The child in me tried to manage the world through impossible feats of perfectionism, as many do, thinking if I performed a little bit better (but always to someone else’s volatile, unwritten standard), I’d find acceptance and love.
But it never came. At least, not from there.
It took me 33 years to realize it was an impossible game to win. And those tendencies – caring what everyone else thought first – were driving me off a cliff and into an early grave.
Two years later, at 35, I now realize I am worthy of love just because. And loving myself first opened the path to a happier, healthier lifestyle.
I’ve seen the effects of not taking care of your physical and mental health through my own eyes.
Yet it was the shock of the pandemic that pushed my wife Ali and me towards the realization that only we have ownership over our health and wellness.
What I’ve since learned, as Dr. Julie Gurner of Ultra Successful says, is that “Accountability is a form of self-respect.” Starting in lockdowns, we focused on our health obsessively, taking our accountability into our own hands and achieving a new level of intensity.
I set an ambitious goal to lose at least 90 pounds, with a stretch goal of losing 100+ pounds, and I was committed to seeing it through.
But I’d never done this before. I had to learn as an adult how to care for myself. Through this, I also learned how to avoid being defined by the self-limiting beliefs of others.
“Anything is possible” is more than a slogan.
Over time, my health and fitness journey taught me the power of consistency, the necessity of boundaries, and the importance of self-care.
Intermittent fasting changed my life
The decision to go all-in with intermittent fasting in the summer of 2021 triggered a major shift in my perspective.
The physical challenge was undeniably tough, but through the process of not eating three overstuffed meals a day plus snacks, I learned that I am not a prisoner to my thoughts or desires. I am in control of them.
Or think of it like this, as Peloton instructor Kirra Michel beautifully illustrated in a recent meditation:
You are the blue sky.
Emotions are the weather.
Over time, I reduced my food intake to one meal a day and focused on clean eating with simple ingredients. That meant I would generally fast 20+ hours a day, often 23 hours a day. Drinking a lot of water – around 100 oz. on an average day – was it.
In the earliest days of my weight loss journey, I would ask myself, “Is it the body or the mind?” when I was trying to determine what I might need – whether I felt a hunger pang, a pain in my body, or a feeling rising that I needed to deal with.
Sometimes the mind tells you you’re hungry, sometimes it’s your body.
You should generally listen when it’s your body.
Your mind? More often than you might think, it’s safe to ignore.
Intermittent fasting gave me what felt like a superpower to almost instantly distinguish between the two.
My longest fast was 43 hours, an experience that I didn’t know I had in me – that again widened my view of what was possible. The clarity that comes with such a long fast is refreshing. You feel how your body is supposed to operate, and you become more in tune with your needs.
During those two days, I lost 7 pounds. While some of that was water weight, it’s still shocking to see what you can accomplish by setting clear goals and working towards them with perseverance.
I used the Zero app to track my fasts for well over a year until it became a natural part of how I operate.
By learning that it's not only the body, but the mind as well, I turned what was inside me into fuel, propelling myself to better health – literally. From my non-medical understanding and in simple terms, fasting helps your body burn fat for energy instead of storing it for later. And it works when you follow a plan that is safe for you.
You must always work
Jonah Hill’s 2022 documentary Stutz played a pivotal role in reshaping my outlook on the intersection of work and wellness. The film dives into the life and philosophy of psychiatrist Dr. Phil Stutz, Hill's own therapist, through a series of deeply personal conversations; how the film explored vulnerability and mental health resonated in a way that few do.
“You can’t move forward without being vulnerable,” Dr. Stutz tells Jonah in the film. So that’s what I’m doing here.
But in addition to that wisdom, there’s one thing I think about every day from this film:
Work is constant.
And we choose what hard work we do.
Stutz made me realize that I want my energy to be directed towards the things that fulfill me – hard work, exercise, meditation, and healthy relationships with my wife and children. The film's candid look at personal wellness, self-doubt, and therapy underscored the power of personal choice in our journey and how it impacts our health – which impacts everything else.
And while each person’s journey and medical needs will vary, the film is a powerful story of what it means to prioritize wellness through your choices and commitments.
“Take action, no matter how frightened you are,” Dr. Stutz shares in the film, “If you can teach somebody that, they can change their whole life.”
But you should know the work never gets easier, as Duke Women’s Basketball Coach Kara Lawson told her team.
To succeed, you must get better at handling hard.
Each pound is harder to lose than the last, but I’ve learned to love the hard work, discipline, and dedication to seeing my goals through.
By making small but meaningful adjustments to my diet and persistently sticking to a realistic exercise regimen, I experienced noticeable changes quickly – I lost 40 pounds in less than three months.
For diet, in addition to intermittent fasting:
I cut out red meat
I eliminated nearly all sugar
I stopped eating fast food
But that was pretty much all I changed about my diet. I kept a lot of my favorites, and didn’t punish myself through lack of food or unrealistic meal plans.
Instead, I restricted my eating window with intermittent fasting, and tried to make my diet a bit cleaner each week.
As I felt better, I could move more. Once I felt this good feeling, I started chasing it daily with walking and stretching. Then I added yoga and cycling (even on bad weather days thanks to Peloton, removing another potential excuse), and I started meditating daily.
To make this habit a routine, I scheduled time in my calendar – even as little as five minutes to meditate before a work meeting. Working in the fast-paced world of tech startups, taking five to meditate is a powerful way to manage stress, and once you do it I’m convinced you’ll feel the same.
Stretching daily gave me a newfound appreciation for life and freedom. It eased my aches, prevented new pains, and improved my flexibility and strength.
Moving your body for even 20 minutes each day is better than not moving. Even when you’re tired, a little extra effort goes a long way.
Although each pound gets harder to lose, the added movement and motivation in every other area in my life pulls me forward through each hard moment.
Over time, these small changes compounded and resulted in a significant weight loss – I lost 100 pounds in just 18 months.
To this day, now two years into my journey, I’ve continued to lose weight, build muscle, and maintain a healthy lifestyle while working off the remaining weight I’d like to lose.
But the journey wasn't only about a number. It was about reclaiming my life, setting boundaries, and prioritizing my health.
For the longest time, I felt like I had to work hard to prove others wrong.
Now I work hard to prove myself right.
Good decisions compound (so do bad ones)
When my weight loss really kicked in overdrive, it was for a simple reason: I set a clear intention to begin treating myself like an athlete.
I’ve always wanted to be deeply involved in athletics. I was the kid drawing up plays in the dirt on the playground and in my notebook everywhere else.
Despite being an athlete at heart, certain circumstances prevented me from being active for years. I missed out on organized sports due to a number of reasons from financial constraints to not having an adult willing to sign the permission slip to participate.
It was a lonely time as I became even more disconnected from sports – one of the few things that brought me health and joy. I never got to participate in high school or college sports, and my situation further emphasized the lack of good food role models in my life.
Before I knew what was happening, I was in a downward spiral.
Fast forward to the end of 2022 – while attending a Small Giants session, the speaker emphasized the positive impact setting an intention to start the year can have.
I decided to give it a shot, and set myself up with a refreshed commitment going into 2023: to train like an athlete for the first time in my life.
I use Peloton and Apple Fitness+ daily so I can try a variety of workouts – such as shadowboxing and strength training in addition to yoga and cycling – and I make sure to move 20-60 minutes every day.
Yes, even when I’m sick, because movement brings me back to health. The days you don’t feel like working out but still do can make the biggest difference. You don’t hear about great athletes taking days off, you hear about them finishing their workout before the rest of the team shows up. That persistence pays off.
And once I heard Dr. Wendy Suzuki describe 20 minutes of daily exercise as a “bubble bath for the brain,” I was hooked.
Following positive voices while removing negative ones from my life and social media feeds, I slowly broke free from the chains of my past. I learned to love the hard work, because that's what led to good results. I embraced growth and pushed further outside of my comfort zone, because that’s where true growth exists.
And I learned that I could say what was on my mind, because the people who support me want to hear what I have to say.
With the support of my mentors, I drew strong boundaries, and I decided to love myself first.
To overcome my people-pleasing tendencies and take back control of my own life, I had to take a full account of what drained my energy and what restored me. That even meant ending relationships with people from my childhood. This was challenging and among the hardest things I’ve ever done – but as I focused intensely on the things that made me healthy, I found myself not only digging out of the hole but smiling in the sunshine again.
For the first time in my life, I was fully committed to myself.
I put more focus than ever on how I felt, and how my needs were being met (or more importantly, in many cases, weren’t being met).
This decision was pivotal and it still pays dividends. Each day I get even healthier is further proof to me: Good decisions compound.
Being in a healthier place now, I can use what I’ve learned to spread awareness and help others gain a better understanding of how to care for their physical and mental health, too. I’ve seen friends get inspired to move along this journey, and that keeps me moving on my hard days. Yes, there are a lot of tears on this journey – more than I think most of us would admit.
Throughout this journey, I’ve drawn inspiration, strength, and guidance from mentors, coaches, and leadership development programs like Small Giants. It’s important to maintain a strong network of positive influences. Surrounding yourself with successful people who’ve often been through many of the same situations can help each part of the process seem a lot less scary.
We all only have so much to give, but we can give more when we are well, and even more when we are well supported.
Through this, my mentors have helped me develop a resilience I didn't know I could posses. But as Ali, my partner who has supported me through thick and thin always reminds me, “When you focus on the good, the good gets better.”
And now I want to help others focus on what they are capable of when they are fully seen.
For me personally, taking care of myself improved my relationship with my kids immensely. I can confidently say that I set a better example each day, because as I’ve become more active, so have they. (They can’t keep up with me on a bike now!)
They’re in hockey and soccer and gymnastics and all kinds of activities that I can experience for the first time as family. This is what it’s all about.
But growth is a process, and certainly not a straight line. So it’s important to step back and reflect. On hard days, what has changed?
In 2023, we have more fun and go more places because I’m in less physical and emotional pain. I’m more available for their needs because there’s less anxiety. I’m more confident because I finally recognize my smile in the mirror.
We’re building a home that is calm and supportive, where each person is loved for who they are inside and out. That includes me.
And now I can say without a shadow of a doubt, taking care of those around you begins with taking care of yourself.
Takeaways from my journey that may help on yours.
Establish a routine: I made it a point to include physical activities like stretching, yoga, meditation, and cycling into my calendar. For 87 straight weeks, I've exercised with increasing frequency, building my fitness levels steadily. “Repetition creates growth,” as Peloton instructor Emma Lovewell wisely put it.
Prioritize your health: Make time for exercise in your schedule. It is as important as your work and family because your fitness and health allow you to be there for both effectively. Make it easy – remove the opportunities for excuses to creep in.
Remove negativity: Removing negative influences is crucial. Meditation and mindfulness practices can help you manage and process your specific challenges.
Seek support and accountability: Having an accountability buddy makes a world of difference. In my case, my wife Ali played this role perfectly, and I will endlessly be grateful for her support. Together, we lost over 150 lbs. and motivated each other throughout this journey, especially on our hardest days.
Develop personal mantras: Create motivating phrases for those hard days. One that worked wonders for me was: "Make the next right choice today."
Focus on how you feel: If the scale isn't moving, it doesn't mean you should stop working hard. Shift your focus to how your clothes fit, how you feel, and your energy levels. I’ve ignored the scale for long stretches because I’m confident I’m still making the right choices each day.
Adopt a balanced lifestyle: As one of my coaches advised, "Don't be about one thing, be about everything." Balance in all aspects of life is essential for a healthy lifestyle.
Embrace small, repeatable changes: Try cutting out unnecessary sugar and drop the fast food. I’ve focused on small, repeatable changes that I can make day after day, stacking the progress on top of each other.
Seek the right medical advice: Continually seek the right doctors and medicine. If the first isn't right, don't give up – your health is worth the search.
Remember, it's your life and your body.
Take ownership and love yourself like you'd love your best friend. This journey towards better health and fitness is as much a mental challenge as it is a physical one. Believe me when I say – every step is worth it.
